First wishes to begin smthg

During the last days I've been thinking of what to do.
Im thinking a lot about that since one month ago. I feel like I need some kind of break through. Artistically and personally.

I just came out of an artistic process which made me realize that no matter what you are doing, or how you are doing, it will appear and it will look like something. And it will make sense according with what you allow it to communicate and where you allow it to go. How further we can let the things go by them selves and develop; to then gather them together and look at what has actually been done simply because you let it happen or grow.
Its not that I've never thought about that and consider it as a way of proceed towards creation. Its just that suddenly it has started to make sense. And I like when those things happen. I like when something starts making sense. It makes me feel like in a break through.

I must say, Im a bit obsessed with control, precision and security in several parts of life, but specially within my artistic and educational process. And lately I observed that its something that is already changing but is still something that takes away some nice possibilities I would have without thinking that way.
So now comes back the initial question: What should I do?

Since I recognize that its time to allow more and look for this different approach for the things Im interested in; what should I do with them? How should I handle them? Or think about them?

Can I understand how and when my ghost are coming to disturb or to influence my choices?
How do I do to switch off those known wishes(the ideal images or the esthetic patterns) in order to let it grow by it self and look at it as something that maybe will not relate to those images?

This kind of question probably would sound rhetorical and pathetic, and its a given situation. There is no big deal in that. I totally recognize its a matter of researching, informing myself and working hard. This is fact and I know it.
The biggest intention behind this writing for me resides in the needing of establishing a departure point and one major issue to grasp and initiate a new thing.

By now what Im up to do is to create a solo for myself. And its already connected with the idea of challenging myself in what concerns security. I thought it can worth it to test myself at this point and emphasize or even push me through into some new mood, or motivation to create. Discover something new that I can do.

When I say something new, I mean new for me, in this first phase. Allow the try out and be there standing behind that. Treat it as my path alone and defend it as such. Can also be interesting to question the other two points: Control and precision.


to be continued...